The Enemy You Haven't Named Yet

Last week we buried my aunt. It's hard for me to believe. Death is unnatural. We were created to live forever...until original sin entered the world and brought death with it. (Stick with me. I'm not going to talk about death for the entire email!) God determines the day we are born, and also the day we die. But our life isn't marked so much by our birth or death as it is by the time in between. How we choose to live.  Our culture has a word for that: thrive. Here is its version of an abundant life. a successful career perfect relationships always in love a big home that is always clean healthy food that always tastes amazing and is prepared in under 30 minutes a perfectly curated social media feed cooperative, grateful children financial prosperity no regrets We've all heard the cliché: thrive instead of just survive. We instantly compare our lives to others and secretly feel discontent and disappointed because we are not thriving. I want to propose a different definition. What if thriving is simply being present with others? What if thriving is letting go of comparison and enjoying what we have? What if thriving is rejecting distractions so we can focus on the moment? When I meet with a prospective client, I often hear them tell me how much they desire to be fully present with their family. That's why they reach out to me. No, that's not what they tell me when we begin the appointment, but underneath the fatigue, anxiety, and overwhelm is a longing to live fully present in the moment with those they love. This is why they want energy, a calm mind, and a body that isn't working against them. And that longing comes out as we talk. My aunt thrived. Not as the culture suggests, but in loving others and being fully present when she was with them. My desire in health is not to extend life but to live well during the days God has given me. You too?

It was a rough day. A rough week. I had experienced some recent rejection that had left my heart tender. No matter how many times we're on the receiving end of rejection, it still stings. Even when we're surrounded by love, one person rejecting or excluding us can leave us feeling raw and wounded. It's a universal experience we can all relate to. One afternoon, as I was once again wrestling to give my hurt to God, I stood at my kitchen window watching the birds. For several days, Baltimore Orioles had been putting on a dazzling show. Their brilliant orange bodies flashed between the green leaves of the trees. A cocky blue jay swooped down and perched on the hanging branches of a weeping cherry tree. A red cardinal settled on a branch of a neighboring crabapple tree. I was mesmerized by so much color among the birds in my backyard. Then I looked down. In the landscaping below was a solitary sparrow, hopping around in search of food, completely unaware of the colorful display above him. Immediately, Matthew 6:26 came to mind: "Consider the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth more than they?" (Matthew 6:26, CSB) I thought about that little sparrow and how much God cared for it. And how much more He cares for me. If God could keep the birds fed, He could certainly hold my hurting heart. He saw me. He loves me. He understands my pain. So today, I want to offer encouragement to your heart because some days we need emotional support more than physical support. For the woman who is overwhelmed and not sure where to turn, God sees you and is with you. For the mama who is weary and longs for relief, He sees you and offers His strength. For the employee who longs for more significance, He sees you and values your unseen work and faithful effort. For the wife who wants deeper connection and better communication, He sees you too and holds your pain as you keep trying. For the friend who wishes for closer, more meaningful friendships, He sees you and promises grace to forgive and the courage to reach out again. Rejection. Overwhelm. Fatigue. God sees us and values us so much more than the birds. He promises not only His care, but His presence. Today. Right now.

Introduction: Why Everything Is Called “Trauma” Allow me to spin a tale and see if you recognize yourself in it. Perhaps you are me, or possibly one of the young women I was listening to. I was standing in line at a local coffee shop, observing the people around me. Several college students stood in front of me, and I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation. One of them was telling a dramatic story about ordering a drink at another coffee shop. It was cold brew instead of hot, and they added the wrong syrup. She finished her story with a dramatic, “I was traumatized when I took a sip and had the wrong drink!” Trauma seems to be the newest buzzword. Everything is labeled traumatic. The word is used so flippantly that we have forgotten what trauma truly is and how it impacts us. So, for starters, let’s define trauma. 

Anxiety can be a very confusing issue for a Christian. On one hand, we feel shame because we believe — or have been told — that we simply need to trust God more. On the other hand, our culture often convinces us that anxiety is merely a nuisance to be medicated away. Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't grow in our trust of God, or that prescription medication is never appropriate. But anxiety is too often treated as an isolated physical or spiritual problem, rather than as a response of our whole, integrated being — one that encompasses the spiritual, physical, emotional, and relational parts of who we are. I believe God created the anxiety response to warn us that something may be threatening, prompting us to react with a fight, flight, or freeze response. If you have been conditioned through stress or trauma to perceive your environment as unsafe, your body will instinctively shift into an anxious, hypervigilant state. The brain doesn't distinguish between real and perceived danger — it simply senses that it needs to stay on high alert to protect you. Anxiety can also surface when blood sugar levels drop, when caffeine intake is excessive, or when social media overstimulates the mind. Insufficient serotonin production, imbalanced stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, critical nutrient deficiencies, or a disrupted methylation process can all contribute to anxiety as well. We address anxiety best through both proactive and reactive approaches. Proactively, we can address nutrient deficiencies, reduce social media consumption, embrace healthy boundaries to manage stress, and evaluate our responses to the circumstances or people that tend to increase our anxiety. Reactively, we can lean into breath prayers in moments of anxious feeling. For example, inhale while silently saying, "The Lord is my shepherd" — then exhale with, "I shall not want." Choose any scripture that brings you a sense of calm. We can also picture Jesus present with us right now, beside us, reaching out His hand and inviting us to focus on Him for just this moment. Pray out loud, telling Him your fears — without expecting the anxiety to instantly disappear. There is room for both Jesus and your anxiety — they are not mutually exclusive, as so many Christians have been led to believe. Anxiety does not have to be your enemy. It is there to help you recognize a need. Will you take the time to listen to what it's trying to tell you?

I was a young adult sitting in a circle of friends — talking, laughing, having a good time. But I didn't feel good. My stomach hurt badly, the pain racing around my side and up into my back. I tried to discreetly lean forward instead of doubling over as I wanted to. I was miserable. It turned out to be a bad case of indigestion. I'm sure you can relate. What was baffling at the time was the why behind it. It recurred numerous times with no definitive explanation. Looking back, I now suspect it stemmed from anxiety. But which came first — the anxiety causing the heartburn, or the heartburn causing the anxiety? The Gut-Brain Connection The gut houses your enteric nervous system, sometimes called the "second brain." Some experts consider it our primary brain, given the extensive neuronal activity within it. This network of neurons responds to your external and internal environment and establishes a felt sense of safety or danger. If someone cuts you off in traffic, or you hear a sound associated with past harm, your nervous system immediately signals that your environment is unsafe. Even if the threat resolves in an instant, your body will remain in fight-or-flight mode until safety is re-established. When past stress or trauma has never been fully processed, the body creates new nervous system patterns to compensate — resulting in a state of hypervigilance. You may not even recognize how tense you've become until something magnifies it: your heart races, your stomach aches, digestion goes haywire. Anxiety is having a direct impact on your gut. The same dynamic works in reverse. A gut infection or chronic inflammation signals danger to your immune system and brain. If that internal environment remains chronically compromised — think yeast, bacterial overgrowth, H. pylori, parasites, leaky gut, IBS, acid reflux, or chronic constipation and diarrhea — your digestive system gets stuck in a state of dysfunction, keeping your body on high alert and feeding anxious feelings every time your stomach acts up. The Vagus Nerve: The Bridge Between Both It's difficult to say which comes first — digestive issues or anxiety. But the connecting thread is the vagus nerve. Stimulating it can calm both your digestive tract and your anxious feelings simultaneously. That said, stimulating the vagus nerve isn't a substitute for addressing the root causes — whether that's unresolved stress in your external environment or chronic compromise in your gut. Both need attention as part of a full healing process. The key is not to isolate one from the other. They influence each other, and lasting relief comes from addressing that connection. A Practical Order of Support Learn vagus nerve exercises. Body-based practices can stimulate the vagus nerve in just minutes, signaling safety to your nervous system and shifting your body from crisis mode toward healing. Establish rhythm and routine. Consistent eating and sleeping schedules, time away from screens, and regular walks — ideally outside — give your body a dependable rhythm it can feel safe within. Investigate what's happening internally. A stool test or comprehensive blood work can reveal what needs targeted support. Many people want to jump straight to this step, but without the foundation of safety established in steps one and two, the body often struggles to respond and heal. Your body was designed to prioritize survival and to help you thrive. When it speaks to you through anxiety or digestive discomfort, listen — and remember how interconnected those signals are. Establish a sense of safety first, then look for the root.

Overwhelming. That was my week. My month. Too many things to do, lists to check off, and projects that needed to be completed. People were depending on me — friends, family, and clients alike. I felt like a juggler dropping more balls than she could keep in the air. And the more things I needed to do, the harder it was to make decisions. I'll bet you can relate. There are moments, weeks, and sometimes whole seasons when life feels overwhelming. What shouldn't be overwhelming is deciding which tests are most important for supporting a healthy and calm mood. So here are my top three recommendations: Methylation Test. This is not MTHFR testing. MTHFR genetic testing looks at one component of methylation, but those results cannot determine how well you actually methylate. Methylation imbalance can interfere with your body's ability to complete the stress response, decrease serotonin levels, and increase brain inflammation and internal tension. It also influences hormone activity, cardiovascular health, detoxification capacity, and cognition. Copper/Zinc Ratio. Excess copper levels increase stress hormones like adrenaline and norepinephrine while decreasing dopamine activity. This can lead to feeling more anxious, emotionally overreactive, irritable, exhausted, and in a constant state of inner activation. HTMA Test. While this test looks at individual mineral and heavy metal levels, the ratios and patterns of those minerals are even more important — they can help you better understand the status of your nervous system and how stress is impacting your adrenal glands, thyroid, blood sugar, and more. I was surprised when I tested my own levels to discover that I was under-methylating and had a triple zinc deficiency leading to excess copper levels — even after taking a quality multivitamin for most of my life! I have been working to correct these imbalances and can already tell a difference. The causes of anxious feelings, irritability, and overwhelm are multifaceted. There will never be a one-size-fits-all solution for mood. And because of that, it can feel so overwhelming to know where to even start. If I could sit down with you over a cup of herbal tea and listen to your story, I would remind you that I see you in the overwhelm. You don't have to fix everything at once. I would tell you about the community of women I'm working with and the hope and healing they are experiencing — often together. I would tell you where to start, what testing to do, and what the next steps look like. And I would give you a hug and remind you that you are not alone in this journey. While distance separates me from most of my clients, we can still have that conversation! I'll block time on my calendar just for you. I would love to hear your story and learn where you're looking for support in your healing journey — and I would love to reduce the overwhelm and bring some clarity your way. Here is my calendar so you can find the right time for you!

By the time you read this, I will have had an appointment that brings me dread and anxiety every time. Even if my mind can rationalize away the fear, my body struggles to follow. I've been working hard on my fear, and this time I noticed some joy mixed with the anxiety. If you deal with generalized anxiety, feeling peaceful is a coveted but foreign concept. Anxiety is not always a heart-pounding panic. Sometimes it is a nagging sense of unsettledness that doesn't allow you to relax. Anxiety affects us emotionally through fear and panic. It impacts us mentally with racing thoughts, doubts, and foggy thinking. And it leaves us physically agitated with a pounding heart, dry mouth, poor sleep, and elevated cortisol. Without realizing it, we can try to perfectly control our exterior lives — events, other people, circumstances, even ourselves — as a way to manage our interior feelings. We wrongly believe that peace and calm inside depend on a perfectly ordered life on the outside. This can drive perfectionism, manipulation, and controlling behavior. And when life slips between your clenched fingers, you are left with the reality that you, too, are controlled by the fear of feeling anxious. And so, I propose two solutions to this conundrum. What if you allowed yourself to feel the anxiety instead of trying to avoid it? What if you allowed it to wash over you, through you, and then away from you? Even the most fearful emotions will dissipate in intensity after about 30 seconds. What if you embraced joy with the same intensity that you try to avoid anxiety? Now, don't hear me wrong — I am not suggesting that anxiety can simply be eliminated by feeling more joy. Anxiety is a multifaceted health concern that requires lifestyle support, dietary considerations, genetic tendencies, nutrient deficiencies, gut and hormone imbalances, reduced stimulation, sufficient sleep, and changes in how we process information. Often, there is a history of a traumatic event or a chronic stress correlation as well. Addressing anxious feelings is not a one-size-fits-all approach, but unique to each individual — which is what helps make my signature program, Wholeness Restored, so helpful. Back to the concept of joy... When we are given to feeling anxious thoughts, it is difficult to trust the emotion of joy. It may even feel unsettling and unfamiliar. And sometimes anxiety has been a familiar companion for so long that joy feels unsafe. Nehemiah 8:10 tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength. Joy can become a tactic to fight anxiety! But first, we have to ask ourselves if we trust God's goodness. Can we trust His goodness in the pleasant emotions He created us with? Trauma or chronic stress can hide pleasing emotions, numbing us to everything but the buzz of anxiety. I have experienced this. It can be so subtle that I didn't notice until I was actively resisting joy — resisting because I was afraid something bad would happen to snatch the joy away. Avoiding it because I didn't think I could simultaneously hold joy and anxiety both. Ignoring it because it felt fake and superficial. But here's what I noticed with joy. Allowing the joy that wants to come softened me physically. My tense shoulders dropped. A deep sigh of acceptance — or maybe it was contentment — escaped me. My to-do list didn't seem so overwhelming. And the cloudy day seemed brighter. Even my energy improved. The anxiety was still there, but it wasn't quite as loud. There was room for both. It seems like a paradox, but it isn't. Anxiety is a response of your body trying to get your attention. Real or perceived, the body senses a threat and responds with the energy of fight-or-flight, or the shutdown of fawn or freeze. Joy represents the new capacity of your nervous system for healing — the microscopic movement of shifting from hypervigilance to a state of calm. Joy also represents the hope you feel, and your body responds to it as the edges of healing come into view. The anxiety that remains after addressing all the physical causes may not be something to run from. It may be how your body is speaking to you. And in listening, your body may stop shouting its anxious thoughts and start whispering fragments of joy. And when that happens, can you embrace the momentary relief that comes?

The fruit is there. All winter long, red berries cling to the bare branches. Signs of a fertile season of growth from the past year. But between the clumps of berries are barren spots of brown branches. They looked dead. They felt dead. Robins feasted on the berries. Squirrels played in the branches too — consuming the tree without giving back, taking advantage of it while the harsh winter winds blew and the ground was covered in a blanket of snow. Spring came early this year, and with it, tiny green knobs that turned into lime green leaves. Almost hidden buds spoke of white flowers that are coming. It occurred to me that sometimes our healing journey is like that tree. We clean up our diet and prioritize sleep. We start the work of unpacking trauma and acknowledging our dysregulated nervous system. We set boundaries and say no. We embrace life-giving activities and remember to laugh and rest when work is still unfinished. Our mood starts to calm and our energy begins to return. We review test results, link the patterns to how we feel, and take the supplements. We feel hopeful, even if the progress seems slower than we want. This is last year's fruit. But then life happens. Unexpected crisis. A child with extra needs. Parents with failing health. An unplanned financial burden. In the midst of crisis, you find yourself trying to just survive. You don't have time to eat, let alone get a healthy meal on the table for your family. Responsibilities and demands crowd against each other, and you fear your boundaries are slipping out of your grasp. Your chest feels heavy, and the anxiety that has been improving threatens to return. Or maybe it doesn't seem that major. Maybe it's even something you have looked forward to — an anticipated vacation, a milestone birthday party, a girls' night out. We indulge in extra dessert and then feel guilty and bloated, so we skip the workout or supplements the next day. We feel sluggish and tired, so we consume extra sugar. More guilt. We feel like we have just wasted the last three months of effort and believe we are back to where we started, or even worse. I hear the discouragement — and even the shame — in my clients' voices when they speak of how life has derailed their efforts. They feel that they have failed. But they haven't. You are stepping onto the barren branch. But the fruit of your hard work and dedication is still there. And even though you feel like you are spiraling backward, know that this is a season. The fruit of the past season will help carry you through as you establish new rhythms in this one. They won't look like last season's. You may even have to let go of some of your ideals during this hard season — but it will produce new buds and tiny leaves. You aren't going backward. You are sitting between last year's berries and this year's flowers.

By American standards, I am short. Petite is the culturally acceptable way to describe me. I like to say I am "vertically challenged." As a kid, I tried to defy the Bible verse in Matthew 6:27 that says we can't add an inch to our height by thinking about it. Most of the time, my short stature doesn't bother me, but sometimes I get tired of grabbing a stool or climbing on a chair to reach something up high or to change a light bulb. My short stature is not my only limitation. I could give you an entire list! But I have needed to discern between the limitations God has allowed that bring Him glory (2 Corinthians 12:6-10) and the limitations He is calling me out of my apathy to fix. There are highly recommended resources like Sara Hagerty's book, The Gift of Limitations, that encourage a deeper trust in God when limitations butt in front of our dreams and expectations. Our surrender to God in these moments — embracing His goodness in the limitations — is a form of worship that sometimes only the angels behold. In other instances, our limitations are a wake-up call that something needs to change. Sometimes the apathy to change is simply overwhelm. We know we need to change, but we don't know where to start. We are paralyzed by the overwhelming need to change everything. Now. If this is you, take heart. You are not alone. This is the weary cry of many of the women who reach out to me for help. They feel they are spiraling under the weight of fatigue, irritability, anxiety, and hormone concerns. They feel shame in their interactions with their children, spouse, or those closest to them. These limitations we do not have to surrender to. The first step is sharing with someone you trust. Satan loves to shame women into isolation as they struggle with the limitations of their physical health and emotions. He wants you to believe that you are the only Christian woman, mom, wife, daughter, friend, employee, _________ (you fill in the blank) who struggles with physical limitations. And that couldn't be further from the truth. I can attest to it every time I talk with a client. That is why I prioritize community within my signature program for women, Wholeness Restored. I want them to see that their limitations are not wholly unique to them. After sharing with someone, seek advice on next steps to address your health and the limitations stemming from it. Are your hormones imbalanced? Are you consuming too much caffeine? Are you numbing by scrolling? Are you going to bed each night but not getting restorative sleep? Are your cortisol levels high and your adrenal glands worn down from chronic stress or past trauma? Is your thyroid underperforming? Are you stuck in fight, flight, or freeze? A qualified practitioner can help you discover the underlying root causes of the limitations that are getting in the way of God's calling for your life. Don't give in to limitations that leave you surviving instead of thriving. But for those limitations God has allowed in your life, lean into God's promised sufficiency — like the Apostle Paul — instead of cultural expectations. He can do incredible work with your limitations and mine.